Pain, Relationships

My Broken Heart

where do i begin

i figured i would write when the tears stopped

im not sure if the fact that they stopped is good or bad

but i have to move on somehow


i can’t even write about this because im still hurt

i haven’t been able to write for a while because when i feel

i feel too much

it affects everything

i need to stop doing that


Its funny how sometimes we forget that people are human

yes I know it sounds weird

of course they’re human what else would they be

But man

what happens when someone you love someone you trust

someone you respect

does something unimaginable

not like commiting a crime

but like wow

you really did that, you said that?

wow

i wasnt expecting that from you

from someone i love and trust and look up to


Its gutting

its not something you can just walk away from

and forget

it actually makes you feel sick when you think about it

you feel lost

like you used to be part of my moral compass

what happened

Dang


Usually writing helps but this time it not

i still feel numb

its been 15 days since i found out

nothing has changed

i dont feel any better

i dont call because i dont know what to say

i dont even know how to look at you

i dont know how to feel around you

you hurt me

i want to tell you that

but i dont know how

i think i will carry this feeling forever

im not sure you can undo what you have done

im not sure if we can have what we had before


maybe i just have to stop being selfish

you know maybe look at things from  both sides

maybe just be understanding and accepting

maybe just let you do what you need to do and then maybe you’ll realize it and come running back

maybe


but thats me

always trying to be understanding

always giving people the benefit of doubt

always loving even when its not reciprocated

but i just know right now

this time

i dont want to

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